Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Randolph Morris, Thank You


That whole story ALONE could speak for itself.

Thank you, Randolph Morris.

And just to show how not fully reading a title is a bad thing, I had checked my RSS feed this afternoon of NBA.com, and read it quickly that I thought it said "Randolph arrested for reckless driving". And I was like "...dude, already?!" and called my friend, who then told me "It was Randolph Morris, you idiot." Then I read the article and all was clear.

Randolph Morris was just fantastic in the Summer League...so of course he'll get about as much time playing as he did during those games last season that he played, all three (or was it four?) of them. I mean, come on Isiah. You may have a knack for drafting good, but the fact that Randolph Morris, who was only charged for reckless driving by the way readers (All 0 of you...), is going to play less minutes than Jerome James, who has been charged by Knicks fans all year of not, you know, doing anything in the time he plays, saddens me. Almost as much as that run-on sentence I just made.

So Isiah, what to do? FOLLOW THE NAME OF THIS BLOG AND WAIVE JEROME JAMES. He's a useless tub of lard. What are you going to miss with him gone? Empty candy jars in your office?

In other Knick news, I hear Zach Randolph skipped practice...Normally that would mean trouble, but I think Randolph Morris has saved Zach from getting too much in trouble.

Friday, August 3, 2007

Only a team like Golden State would sign Austin Croshere

According to nba.com, The Golden State Warriors signed Austin Croshere.


Just...wow. You mean they're happy to add that useless lug's 3.7 rebounds and 3.0 points per game over hard working players who busted their ass for nothing like Matt Barnes and Pietrus? What are they smoking?

I'll let the first sentence of this blog speak for itself. There's NO way any sane human being would've signed an idiot like Croshere to a contract. He can't shoot unless he's wide open with no one guarding him, can't play defense, well...can't do ANYTHING. So why would the Warriors sign him?

Why must these hug lugs of talentless crap STILL be playing for teams? Jerome James, Michael Olawakandi, the list goes on and on. It just makes me scratch my head sometimes, it really does. I mean, the logic just astounds me.

Whatever, it's not like Golden State's going to be any better. 42-40 is pretty much the best you can get with that team. I mean if Baron Davis didn't play an average of 30 games a year, then they'd be 50-32 EASY. But he just gets so hurt. Is his body made of cheap plastic?

And Don Nelson is rambling on about how he needs an extra three million for the job he's done so far? Dude, you're almost as old as Bill Fitch, you have no idea what the hell you're doing out there anymore, give it up. I mean sure, you can make Avery Johnson shit his pants in fear at the sight of you and your team, but what else? You proved that Dallas is the only team your team can beat, as proven by the ass kicking you got from Utah.

I mean, I love watching Golden State, but enough is enough, this gives me a headache.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

KG to the Celtics: Championship contenders?

OK, I admit it, the Celtics are going to be fun to watch next year.

Combining the sharpshooting of Ray Allen and Paul Pierce is already good enough, but adding a fantastic rebounder and scorer in Kevin Garnett just make this team look so much better.

In the Eastern Conference, this team will definitely become playoff hopeful, no doubt about that. But why is everyone already proclaiming that they'll be CHAMPIONSHIP CONTENDERS?!

Seriously, have you guys even noticed how there's officially, as of right now, only nine guys on the roster?

I mean, I know, the team is going to be good, but who are they going to get as bench? Hell, their point guard and center starters are...well...extremly "lacking" in basketball talent as of right now. I mean, Perkins might develop into a fine center soon in the league, but right now? Do you honestly think he's going to step up in his game over night? He's averaging four points and five rebounds right now...I don't think it's going to get any better, folks. And don't even get me started on the fact that they have NO back-up for their center and point guard positions.

The most obvious source of this comes from the 1987 NBA Finals. I was thinking about that Boston Celtics team of that year, and about what the guys at basketbawful said. They had NO bench. At all. They basically hobbled through two seven game series before meeting the Lakers, and basically lost the title due to fatigue. And they had MORE good starters than Boston has now. DJ, McHale, Parish, Bird, and Ainge all could score and shot the basket very well. The current Boston team now are NOT as good as the 1987 starting line-up was, then.

So what should they do? The obvious thing is to go after some free agents, but still, they're seriously LACKING a bench right now. You know your bench is in trouble when Brian freakin' Scalabrine is one of your best bench players.

I mean, I think they'll make the playoffs and all, but keep in the mind that the fact of the matter is, they have no bench, no starting point guard, and no starting center.

There's not enough free agents that are any GOOD to fill those spots out.

So, where to go to? I've got some ideas:

P.J. Brown: Hell, there was that one playoff game in the Eastern Conference Semi-Finals where he led the squad in scoring. I'm sure he could be a great second rebounder besides Garnett. And hey, by the time he retires, maybe a nice Center will be an unrestricted free agent for them to snatch away?

Troy Hudson: Not counting whatever the hell happened to him last season, Hudson has shown that he can be a good piece of energy off the bench.

Darrell Armstrong: The Pacers don't need him. He's a point guard. He's played under Doc Rivers before. You do the math.

Here's to hoping that the Celtics improve.

But 2008 Eastern Conference Champs? Nah.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

It's official, Charles Oakley is mentally insane...in the cool way

Growing up as a huge Knick fan, Charles Oakley instantly became a favorite of mine. The guy could hustle and rebound like nobody's business, and knew to score at the right moments and times. Mostly when he was anywhere under 10 feet from the basket. Anyway...

I was reading Frank Isola's blog, and found this interesting little thing on Charles Oakley...

And I quote from el bloggo:
"Oakley told the Toronto Star that he would consider a comeback, even with the Knicks, if the price is right. Oakley has been out of the league for three years.
"I'm not coming back cheap," he said. "If you read this article and you think you can get me cheap, there's another thought coming.""

Uhh...what the hell are you talking about, dude? You're FORTY-THREE. Not come cheap? First of all, how the hell do we know that you're any good anymore? Last I checked, you spent your last few years in the league playing garbage time and bitching about the younger players with their "gangsta clothing" and their "conflabbed mp3 Players" and their "danged Playstations, we had Atari's, muthafucka!"

Ok fine, I made the last two up.

Really, I can't rag on Charles, I love the man. He was one tough son of a bitch. Did you hear that story on how he beat the shit out of someone to make them leave the team? I think it was Rafer Alston? I'm not 100% sure on that, so anyone feel free to correct me. I mean that was four years ago. He was damn near forty! HOLY SHIT, what a manly SOB.

Of course, that doesn't mean he has any talent left in him or anything. Hell, if I were David Stern, I'd hire the guy to beat the shit out of anyone who feels like being a whiny bitch. Awwww poor Kobe, your baby ass wants to be traded? POW, Stern calls in Charles Oakley to beat his ass, all A-Team style. Gilbert Arenas running his mouth too much? How would a "Charles Oakley Specialty Knuckle Sandwich" sound, Gilbert?

Of course, the true highlight of the article is the last part:
"Oakley also claims that he’s working on a tell-all book.
"I'm not pulling any punches, true stories. It ain't one of those Charles Barkley fake books, it's a Charles Oakley book," Oakley said. "It's not an O.J. book, it's an Oakley book.""

Holy shit, how awesome does that sound? A CHARLES OAKLEY BOOK?! From the words of Oakley himself! And thanks for reminding me that it's NOT ONE OF THOSE FAKE BOOKS, IT'S A CHARLES OAKLEY BOOK MOTHERFUCKA.

Seriously, I would so reserve a copy of that book. Then we can get the REAL story on that battle with Michael Cage for the rebounding title in '88...
"That muthafuckin' son of a cheap mama bitch Michael Cage took my fuckin' reboundin' title from me. NO ONE messes with me: I'm fuckin' Charles Oakley. That bitch betta' not fuckin' see me in the streets, or I'll fucking pound him Charles Oakley style ya hear?"

Don't ever change Charles, don't ever change. That's why you're one of my heroes.

UPDATE: Reader Jay sent this suggestion, which is pretty true:
"Charles Oakley needs his own TV show now. Put him on Inside The NBA if you can. It would be awesome seeing him and the other Charles (Barkley that is) get into arguments about every little thing. Oakley can bring out the "My opinions are real, not like your fake opinions Barkley!" insult."

I couldn't agree more.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

ESPN's "Who's Now?"

Has anyone else seen those stupid ESPN "Who's Now" pieces on Sportscenter lately? They are the most ridiculous things I've ever seen. This is how it's set up:

They start all cool with a montage of clips and announcements, then they go into some gangster hip hop rap ("Rap is Crap!" I'll miss ya Curt Hennig...). It's so overdone and ridiculous.

The premise is that ESPN has some tournament where "YOU, THE FANS", as Stuart Scott puts it, votes for who you think is the most "now". Nevermind the fact that that doesn't even make sense, grammatically and logically, the worst is that they have these three guests in the studio with Stuart Scott, and they all choose who they think is most "now". Usually, they bring in some random former player, some random analyist, and some celebrity that obviously has no idea on what the fuck they're talking about. I mean, what the hell does Jessica Biel know about Tony Parker and Shaq? What business does she have picking who she thinks is more "now"? I mean, she obviously has no idea what she's talking about. I mean, it's Mary Tyler Moore at WrestleMania 6 bad*. Does ESPN think us, the sports fans, don't realize this?

Then it gets more annoying. EVERY time the choices are made, there's always this huge argument where Stuart Scott yells really loudly, as if he's yelling over someone, and it just looks SO FAKE. I mean, the whole damn thing looks so scripted. Like, the yelling, the choices, and arguments. It's like scripted PTI. It's a farce and it doesn't even know it.

I mean first of all, who cares? Who gives a shit about who's more "now"? 10% of the vote comes from the panelists, and 90% comes from the fans at ESPN.com. What the hell do they think, that people are going to vote on who's more "now"? It's a freakin' popularity contest. The fans are going to pick who they like. Not who's more "now". Plus, who gives a shit? It's just more lame filler.

Just one of the MANY things that are just amazingly wrong with Sportscenter.

*At WrestleMania 6, just before Rhythm and Blues (Honky Tonk Man and Greg Valentine) were going to have a in-show concert (WE NEED A HUNKA HUNKA HONKY LOVEEE), Sean Mooney, dumbass extraordinaire, interviewed Mary Tyler Moore. He asked her about the team, and she responded in the must clueless way possible. She obviously was uncomfortable, had no idea what Sean was talking about, and just want Sean to fuck off and go away (Wouldn't be the first time...).

First post in my blog

Yeah...more should come.

This blog will mostly be about my (shitty) thoughts on the LOVELY National Basketball Association, amongst other crap you don't care about. Like Wrestling, game shows, me bitching about things I shouldn't be bitching about, and so much more. Mostly basketball, but hey, it's not like anyone is reading this...In that case...